?????????

One day I could have a feeling that makes me so happy and that I want to feel like that for the rest of my life.
But another day I could have a feeling that makes me want to be alone and find something else that would make me happy.
I dont know if this is normal or if it always happens the first time.
It is obviously one of those days that I dont really care.

I am surprised about how long this has gone on.
And I have been happy for the most part, but I think I might be falling into that "curse."
Kristen knows what "curse" i am talking about.

I am freaking 16. you cant expect me to act your age when are clearly older than i am.
you cant understand me or what i go through during the day b/c you arent there.
you are nowhere near me. you are living your own life. i have my problems with you but i dont just blurt them out to you and make fun of them like you do to me. one day you will realize some of the jokes you tell are hurtful. i couldnt tell you any of this b/c you would say "omg...its not that big of a deal. stop being a over dramatic person." you dont understand me! I am a girl. I am 16. 2 things that you are not. I dont understand you and you dont understand me. i love you to death but you dont understand.

maybe i am just too young. maybe i am thinking too much into it. i dont even understand anymore.

I love life and everything about it.

I am finally good now. no drama. no nothing.
i was at beta convention this weekend and it was really fun.
guard competition was good.
and the super bowl went great.
go saints!!

i have who i want in my life right now.
my famliy.
my best friend/sister.
my "bubba"
and my boyfriend.
that is all i need,

i am starting to grow up (if you think different, then i dont care. i wont waste my life caring what you think about me)
i am starting to realize where i want to go in life.
do i still have some growing up to do?? of course. everyone does.
there are new things to learn out there.

and to answer your question...*I* do care but some parts *I* dont care.
(realize i said "I" and not "we")
i never wanted to lose you as a friend.
and i want to fight for it back.
but you have made your decision, and i respect that.
so it ended peacefully and i will keep it that way.
you have been a good friend to me.
and i have tried to be one to you.
i will admit that i have screwed up many times, but i at least tried.
if you disagree then thats cool.
back then i probably would try to start a fight with you.
but i cant. this was your decision and i will respect it.
so good luck with everything. i know you will do great.
i couldnt say that i ever hated you.
i dont dislike you or anything.
(none of that wass sarcastic or fake. you might think that i am trying to be all high and mighty, but i am not. i am trying to be civil. if any of that sounded bitchy then i am sorry. it was not intended at all. i really hope you dont think this is fake or what not, but it is truely what i think. and i swear up and down that it is all truthful.)
i am now dropping it all and erasing it from my memory.
well...erase some of it from my memory. i cant erase the good times we had.

any ways, i didnt go to school today.
i was really tired.
yes i know that is a stupid reason but oh well.
i slept...a lot.
i was told that i didnt get the solo for performance evaluation.
i was pretty upset.
i kinda still am.
but i thought about it and it is just a solo.
my mom told me "you win some and you lose some"
i lost this one.
which is fine.
one less thing for me to worry about.
and i wasnt very good at this one anyways.
i will get over it.
there is always next year.

my realstionship is going strong.
one year in March.
this is the happiest i have ever been.
i love him with all my heart!

oh and i might go to Mardi Gras this year.
maybe.
still deciding if i want to go or not.

life

my life is good.
im pretty happy with it right now.

beta convention is this weekend.
it will be so much fun.

oh and i have decided that i am going to drop some people.
i'm not going to graduate with the same crap i had to listen to when i started high school.
i love life. thanks to God.

:D

today was not a good day but something just hit me and put me in a good mood.
:)