"and they lived happily ever after..."

not everything in life is a fairytale.
when i was little, i always wanted a perfect life (with a pony).
well now that i have grown up...nothing in life is perfect. far from it actually (and i still dont have a pony).
but i'm ok with that.
if everything were perfect then life would be boring.

I have never really opened up and acted myself to everyone.
only my family and some friends at school.
but now i promised i would.
so i have to.
and i will...it will just be hard.
but i have to work on it.

i had an awesome phone conversation tonight and it needed to be done.
so i really think everything will be okay now.
im ecstatic about it actually.
if feels good to get your actual feelings out there instead of hiding them.

this will be a good spring break.
going camping on thrusday at the lake.
tanning on the boat....yea boyyyy. ha. :)

?????????

One day I could have a feeling that makes me so happy and that I want to feel like that for the rest of my life.
But another day I could have a feeling that makes me want to be alone and find something else that would make me happy.
I dont know if this is normal or if it always happens the first time.
It is obviously one of those days that I dont really care.

I am surprised about how long this has gone on.
And I have been happy for the most part, but I think I might be falling into that "curse."
Kristen knows what "curse" i am talking about.

I am freaking 16. you cant expect me to act your age when are clearly older than i am.
you cant understand me or what i go through during the day b/c you arent there.
you are nowhere near me. you are living your own life. i have my problems with you but i dont just blurt them out to you and make fun of them like you do to me. one day you will realize some of the jokes you tell are hurtful. i couldnt tell you any of this b/c you would say "omg...its not that big of a deal. stop being a over dramatic person." you dont understand me! I am a girl. I am 16. 2 things that you are not. I dont understand you and you dont understand me. i love you to death but you dont understand.

maybe i am just too young. maybe i am thinking too much into it. i dont even understand anymore.

I love life and everything about it.

I am finally good now. no drama. no nothing.
i was at beta convention this weekend and it was really fun.
guard competition was good.
and the super bowl went great.
go saints!!

i have who i want in my life right now.
my famliy.
my best friend/sister.
my "bubba"
and my boyfriend.
that is all i need,

i am starting to grow up (if you think different, then i dont care. i wont waste my life caring what you think about me)
i am starting to realize where i want to go in life.
do i still have some growing up to do?? of course. everyone does.
there are new things to learn out there.

and to answer your question...*I* do care but some parts *I* dont care.
(realize i said "I" and not "we")
i never wanted to lose you as a friend.
and i want to fight for it back.
but you have made your decision, and i respect that.
so it ended peacefully and i will keep it that way.
you have been a good friend to me.
and i have tried to be one to you.
i will admit that i have screwed up many times, but i at least tried.
if you disagree then thats cool.
back then i probably would try to start a fight with you.
but i cant. this was your decision and i will respect it.
so good luck with everything. i know you will do great.
i couldnt say that i ever hated you.
i dont dislike you or anything.
(none of that wass sarcastic or fake. you might think that i am trying to be all high and mighty, but i am not. i am trying to be civil. if any of that sounded bitchy then i am sorry. it was not intended at all. i really hope you dont think this is fake or what not, but it is truely what i think. and i swear up and down that it is all truthful.)
i am now dropping it all and erasing it from my memory.
well...erase some of it from my memory. i cant erase the good times we had.

any ways, i didnt go to school today.
i was really tired.
yes i know that is a stupid reason but oh well.
i slept...a lot.
i was told that i didnt get the solo for performance evaluation.
i was pretty upset.
i kinda still am.
but i thought about it and it is just a solo.
my mom told me "you win some and you lose some"
i lost this one.
which is fine.
one less thing for me to worry about.
and i wasnt very good at this one anyways.
i will get over it.
there is always next year.

my realstionship is going strong.
one year in March.
this is the happiest i have ever been.
i love him with all my heart!

oh and i might go to Mardi Gras this year.
maybe.
still deciding if i want to go or not.

life

my life is good.
im pretty happy with it right now.

beta convention is this weekend.
it will be so much fun.

oh and i have decided that i am going to drop some people.
i'm not going to graduate with the same crap i had to listen to when i started high school.
i love life. thanks to God.

:D

today was not a good day but something just hit me and put me in a good mood.
:)

Birthday and LGPE

So my birthday is March 12th.
Wind Symphony has our performance evaluation that day too.
My sister has come to every one so far.
I ask her if she is coming and she said "I dont think I can make it, I have another concert to go to."
This "other" concert is a small rock concert that some of her and her husband's friends are in.
I don't mnd her missing my concert, but it's my birthday.
i guess her her case .... sisters < friends.

So I guess it is just going to be my mom this year. My birthday is finally on a Friday and the only person I will be with is my mom. (im always with my best friend so that doesnt count, she will always be there for me). Hopefully my other sister will come. idk who else I could ask. I know my dad wont come. I know I want to ask someone else, but I pretty sure that someone wont want to come even if it is my birthday.

Well I leave for Athens tomorrow right after school. I haven't started packing and it is 11:30 at night. Fail bekah. Well....ok.

yea soooo....

i went to middle georgia today and hung out up there with clint.
i guess i had fun.
idk.
it was good seeing him, but yea.
it just felt weird.

i leave for JanFest on thursday.
then i wont be back until sunday.
i am going to try to bring my laptop.
my mom has been saying i cant bring it with me,
but imma try.

i probably could have lived without today.
but i am really glad i got to see him! I love him!
idk when i will see him next.
ill be at JanFest when he comes home and then he might not come that next weekend and then the next weekend ill be at beta convention.
so thats...3 weeks??? gross.

oh i get a new phone in about a week.
i think my mom is going to get verizon.
im either getting the env touch or the rouge.
which one should i get????

AHHH. I will love 2010!

So marching band???
BOA (Bands of America)!!!!!!
(it's really not a secret anymore b/c it's on the calender)
I never thought Shumick would take us there.
He said he didn't want to.
Wow.
My senior year, drum major, BOA in the Georgia Dome!
Holy freaking crap.

And then 8th grade night is vs. Union Grove.
Homecoming is vs. Ola.
Senior night is vs Alcovy.
I might actually like the games this season.

Shumick nominated me for the All American Marching Band.
I am not going to get my hopes up too high b/c a lot of people try out for that.
Especially saxes.
I will try my hardest though.

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